What is My Calling?

9:51 AM

What is my calling? What am I called to do with my life? A question that runs across my mind at least once a day. A question that makes me a little sick to my stomach if I'm being honest.

My name is Catherine Baucom, and I don't know what my calling is. But I know what I want to do. 

For those who know me, I've grown up in a Christian home, enough siblings to populate a small country and two parents who I am very thankful for. We were all home schooled and I was the farthest thing from a student passionate about my school work. I hated school work, music lessons, dance lessons, and about anything required intense and quiet focus. I fell in love with sports and thrived when I was outside. I was your typical ADD/ADHD kid. I was never worried about school, going to college or what I wanted to do. Until, I realized how passionate I was about ministering to others. Ministry became my addiction. It's the one thing I know I am naturally good at. I feel alive when I am involved in ministry. I am not a scholar (as you have already gathered, I'm sure.), artist, singer or scientist. I'm a lover of loving others. And that's who I was created to be. 

One night, I was laying in bed. Restless and exhausted. I was seven years old and The Lord spoke to me. Some may say that it was just me, or that my memory is so good that I remember things that didn't even happen (thanks, Dad). However, He spoke to me. Not in a voice that we compare to anyone else's, but that still small voice from the Holy Spirit. I remember thinking about the Bible story where God woke and called Samuel when he was a boy four times (I Samuel 3) and then asking God if there was anything I needed to pray about since He was obviously keeping me up. Then quite clearly and directly I knew The Lord put a vision in my heart. That I would start a ministry for girls called PINK. The name "PINK" would stand for something and women will come. OK - so remember I'm a seven years old. I knew it was God but I was not ready, it was not the time... Yet. So I kept it hidden in my heart.

I will never forget the nights I would always wonder what the name PINK was supposed to mean or how I would find out what it meant. I would always wonder when the day and opportunity would come. And who would be a part of a ministry. See, God's timing is not our own. Sometimes we won't see answers to prayer or the vision unfold for a long period of time. God gave the Israelite's a promise of a Messiah. As we know, Christ was and is their Messiah, many think that the promise hasn't been fulfilled yet, but they fail to recognize the miracle is Jesus Christ, the of the Son of God. But that is a whole different story I can talk about four hours that I won't go into today. Not only were they promised a deliverer from the slavery of Pharaoh, they were promised delivery to the promise land. A place where they could be finally free. However, The Lord's timing was not their own. Forty years of wandering through the desert, before they finally made it.

If I am being real, I'm sure that they were extremely discouraged after forty years, not days, but forty LONG, HOT YEARS of just wondering through the desert. I always wonder if they even forgot why they were wondering the desert. Honestly, in my moments of weakness I too would be angry with God and ask why I was even wondering. Yet, I catch myself aggravated and asking God why I'm not in full-time ministry today. I feel like I'm wondering in my own desert in life. However, I did, in fact, come to see the day in high school where I started a ministry for girls called "PINK" and the name did, and still has an AMAZING definition. PINK: POWER of the Sisterhood, IN Christ Jesus, NEW living creations, KNOWING Someone feels the same. The word PINK means so much more to me than a name of a color (however it is my favorite!). For me it means that girls from every walk of life, every color, every beautiful size and personality came together and united over the share common fact that we are BEAUTIFUL girls, created in Christ image and striving to live GREATER for Christ. Then shortly after I started PINK, I moved to Israel. Again, the Lord's timing is not our own and sometimes His timing seems a little strange to me.... OK, a lot of the time. 

Today, after many years of being involved in college and young adult ministry around the world and even on my own stomping grounds in Charlotte, NC, I am now searching and asking "Where am I?" or "Lord, if you called me to ministry, are we there yet?" I struggle with patience. I struggle with being that kid who can't wait to play outside. My "outside" is ministry. My passion is people. My calling is to work at..... Well, I'm still not sure. I desperately want to be there and know what it feels like to LOVE my job and have a passion for my work. I want to be like one of those God-awful morning people who leap out of their bed and have birds land on the shoulders and sing a song of how they get to go to work! My honest question in my zombie-like morning state is to question what the hell is wrong with them?!  However, I keep my southern belle manners and just respond with "bless your heart." For now, I'm still working a 9am-5pm job for a great company that I am very blessed with. I married my best friend, the love of my life. And I have a 100lb furry child that keeps me very busy. So my timing is not His. My desert may only be a short trip or it could be forty years. Whatever it may be I try to remember that seven-year-old little girl, who was willing to listen to the Holy Spirit when He spoke, and eagerly wait to play outside. I know what I want to do. But knowing when or how I will get there is not in my hands. So I will keep on walking and waiting. 


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2 comments

  1. How awesome to be addicted to serving and loving others! That is a passion and a skill set that can translate into so many things.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! And yes it is! Please pray for me as I move forward with raising support and keep up with life! Much Love! XOXO

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