My Calling to A New Beginning...11:36 AM
It's now the end of February. Two months into the new year. Two months already have gone leaving us exhausted, cold and tired. Two months into all our promises, goals, and resolutions. I need a break from all the rush of work and general everyday life tasks and it's only the beginning of the year.
Two months in, 59 days of given life. How have you spent it? I, for one, spent 23 of the 59 days sleepless and sick. I have found myself failing to slow down and "unrush" my life. I've found myself failing to spend time in His word and go into prayer overwhelmed. I found myself, like every year before, worrying and allowing anxiety to take over my emotions. Lots of little distractions to provide a huge heartache. However, in the rush and the stress, I hear God's whispers. I've always explained in the midst my stress and anxiety, I hear the Lord knocking on the door of my heart. I hear Him calling my name. I shamefully admit I am very good at ignoring the knocking. I hear Him whisper my name over and over. I hear Him call me to answer His knocking. I can hear the love and compassion in His voice and even envision a smile on His face. I know He sees me. I can imagine God watching me run around in my panic. I see Him stand in the back of a room patiently waiting for me. Waiting for me to acknowledge His presence. He waits patiently full of grace while I refuse to walk over due to my own sinful pride.
I continue to destroy myself slowly. I break down and begin to ask God why He wasn't there to help me in my rush, panic and the stress I created for myself. The mess I put myself in while all along He stood by my side calling my name wanting to help me. I look back at different trials in my life, and I often find myself feeling foolish and angry I even had the audacity to ask God where He was in those storms, when I KNEW He was there all along. He was there ready and extending His hands to hold me while I walk right on by. He was reaching out to save me. I refused to even glance in His way.
Do you ever get to the point where you know that you know what you need to do? To be completely transparent, I feel called to a new beginning: a nudge to follow through with the things I started, a call to take action in my job, home, ministry and personal relationships. I feel a calling to expand and bloom in my relationship with Christ. Something needs to change. Something needs to give because I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of worrying and allowing anxiety to fill my heart. I'm tired of not following through on my plans and allowing the "To Do List" to become a huge elephant in the room of my heart. I know what I need to do. I know where I need to start. Believe it or not, it starts by taking one day at a time. One step, one breath.
I think my biggest problem is allowing situations and/or pain in my life to sit around like the dirty dishes in my sink. I always allow myself to say "I'll get to it later." The dirty dishes can sit there, but the dishes won't clean themselves. The longer the dishes sit, the more they begin to stink and rot. The stench makes its way throughout the whole house. Just like our own lives, the longer we leave the uncomfortable situations untended in our hearts, the more they will take over in our lives. I can hear my parents yelling "the dishes won't take care of themselves!" A statement so simple, yet holds so much truth. What dishes are you allowing to sit and create an overwhelming stench? What situations, good or bad, you have been putting off for later? Just like the dishes in the sink, your situations won't go away. God will still knock and pull on your heart. He will continue to call you.
What is it? Is it speaking to a friend? Quitting a job? Finishing school? Allowing surrender? Is it paying bills and facing your debt head on? Is it admitting the truth? Allow Christ to take over. Allow Him to hold you. Allow Him to love you as His son or daughter. Allow yourself freedom from the rush and anxiety of our own sin and pride. Allow yourself for just a moment to be in His presence and praise Him for everything He has done in your life. He has never failed you. We have just failed to open our hearts to His love.
So, my calling to a new beginning starts right now. It is a calling to take the breaths I am given today one at a time and answer the call God is putting on my heart. Tomorrow it will start over again. With His grace, I know He will guide me and help me, and He will be faithful to love and help you too.